


i could lie, say i like it like that

by livhasnolife



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bittersweet, F/F, Fake Dating, angst with an ending, girlvember, girlvember 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 16:29:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livhasnolife/pseuds/livhasnolife
Summary: Acxa and Allura are planets passing in orbit.Or maybe Acxa is the moon, unable to get any closer, but unable to leave. Or maybe they’re both stars in the same constellation. Or maybe Allura is the moon and Acxa is a lonely river running through a solemn hill.Or maybe they’re just kids, tangled in a bad situation, and this is too much; too poetic, but either way Allura is beautiful and Acxa has feelings for her.





	i could lie, say i like it like that

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: ceciiysmith

_I am selfish_ , Acxa thinks, watching her from across the room. Allura is engaged in conversation with someone, laughing and chatting and bright. She is luminescent in ultraviolet, a glow star sticker in a dark room. She is unalloyed silver.

Acxa never goes to parties, really - she’s a wallflower at heart. Going to a party entails slumping against a wall playing games on her phone, nursing a gross beer, and pretending like she doesn’t hate every second of it.

The Altea family’s house is opulent and the walls are cool to touch, a contrast from the lukewarm drink that slips down her throat. She cringes internally but keeps a cool head.

Allura loves parties. Or, at least, Allura’s parents love them, and when they’re gone on business trips, Allura simply follows in their footsteps. One of those two. Part of their deal, the most stupid idea ever, was that Acxa had to come to Allura’s parties.

_“If we’re going through with this,” Allura had said, tapping her nails against the wood of the picnic table, one of her few habits, one of the few things that differentiated her from human and goddess, “You have to come with me to events. It’ll seem suspicious otherwise.”_

Acxa had tried to get out of it at first, but Allura is willful and correct and Acxa is putty in her hands. It doesn’t help that she likes her more than she can say. Acxa isn’t easily manipulated by a long shot, but she is a romantic at heart, even if she’ll never admit it. She grew up reading and watching love stories, clutched to her chest and hidden under her mattress. She knows she has a type. People who call attention to them without even trying, long silver hair, and accents. Acxa knows this. Takes account of it while watching how Allura glints in the low blue light of the party, her highlight sparkling like stars.

She’s similar to those she’s loved before, but so much softer. Allura has grown up with the weight of the entire world on her shoulders, and she’s never once asked for help carrying it, but Acxa wants to take the burden for her, for just a while. Allura is tough, determined and never gives up, and inspires Acxa to do the same. 

She’s good for Acxa in all the ways Lotor was bad.

Which is the whole reason this mess exists in the first place. Lotor is the reason Acxa sits in the corner, watching, wishing to be closer. Because she’s truly close to Allura now - she _is_ her fake girlfriend after all, - but that’s the catch. _Fake_. Acxa is close, but not close enough. Never close enough. She’s stuck in an orbit that she can’t defy if she doesn’t want to face the consequences of passing the Roche Limit. Allura’s gravity is so strong that if she gets close enough, she’ll only be torn apart.

After Lotor cheated on them with each other, her and Allura became inseparable, getting to know each other over quiet cups of tea and early morning conversations in school hallways and late night drives to the diner that Allura’s parents would never let her go to.

Too bad Acxa had to go and screw it up by catching feelings, and both acting and not acting on those feelings simultaneously. That’s where the fake dating contract came in. They wanted to get back at Lotor, but egging his car seemed too “severe”.

And it worked. And it seemed to be worth it at first, from the look on his face where they kissed at school (yeah, that happened, Acxa still can’t believe that). 

Yet..

Yet it’s been a month now, of having Allura close, but not close enough. A month of pining where everyone thinks they’re in a relationship, and they act like they’re in a relationship, but they’re not, and it _hurts so much_. But this is all for Allura. Acxa wouldn’t be doing it otherwise. This is all for Allura, because if Allura asked Acxa to bottle the stars, she would find a way to do it in the spaces between a heartbeat; the cracks between her fingers where Allura slips her own in to fit snug-perfect.

She walks to refill her bitter drink and hears the girl herself calling her name. “Acxa! I feel like I haven’t seen you all night.” Acxa, incredibly lame, incredibly head over heels, stays still and pretends her heart doesn’t fall out of her chest.

“Hey, babe,” Acxa says, making a conscious effort to keep her voice smoothed out like velvet. Allura’s eyes are light and she’s smiling so wide, and Acxa knows it for her, and her only. Best friend reserved. “How are you? How’s the party going?”

“Good. What were you doing?” She asks, getting closer, before intertwining their fingers.

“Just refilling my drink.” She shakes her hand with her red solo cup to gesture and feels it slosh back and forth like her stomach.

“I’ll come with you.”

They walk in comfortable silence, Acxa hyper-aware of the blue surrounding them and Allura’s warm skin pressed against her own and the bass of some sad slow song that works its way into the hollow of her chest. When they get to the drink table, the silence stops. Allura lowers her voice to a near whisper. “Are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?”

“I’m okay,” she says, and makes herself believe it. Repeats it until it’s true. _I’m okay_. A forever mantra. A broken record scratch on her favorite vinyl. 

Allura’s eyebrows furrow. “No you aren’t. I know you better than that. Don’t lie to me, Acx.” Her eyes gleam like moon stone, and Acxa softens like tides. She cannot help that she smooths under the light of the moon’s own rock.

“Just a headache. I should probably be heading home, honestly. Krolia will kill me if I’m not back by one.” She is lying through her teeth. Krolia told her to stay out as long as she wants as long as she texts once an hour. The truth is that she does have a headache, but that wouldn’t make her leave. The truth is that she’s painfully enamored by her friend and she doesn’t know what to do with it. Girls like Allura don’t fall for girls like Acxa. She cannot look at the Sun too long or else she’ll want to fly into it forever.

Allura buys it though, after a moment of worrying her lip, considering. She nods hurriedly, like it’s extremely important that Acxa gets home to cure her headache. “Okay, I really hope you feel better,” she pauses, before speaking again, “Oh! I nearly forgot I was wearing your jacket.” 

She moves to slip it off and Acxa wants to say _no, wait, keep it. Keep just a part of me with you in case you forget me tonight._ wants to say, _you look good in my clothes. Please wear nothing but them ever again_ , wants to say, _but won’t you be cold without it?_ but she doesn’t. She moves her hand to halt Allura, but it ends up suspended, aborted in its path as the leather jacket falls off her shoulders, easily and light as air, like it had never been there in the first place, and she hands it back to Acxa. “Thank you for coming here tonight for me. I’m sorry it wasn’t enjoyable.”

“It’s okay,” Acxa clears her throat as the picture of Allura, jacket sleeves hanging over her hands disappears from her mind forever, “It wasn’t so bad.” She swallows and it tastes semisweet.

“You’ll text me when you get home, right? Just so I know you’re alright,” she asks, like she really needs this, like it’s priority, like Acxa is actually imported. Her face contorted in concern. 

Acxa, incredibly lame, incredibly head over heels, pretends that her heart doesn’t melt to warm honey or liquid gold and instead says, far too soft, “Okay.” 

Allura shines again, but more special this time. Soft. She smiles just for Acxa before pecking her cheek. “Stay safe.” And then squeezes her hand once before she lets go, whisked back into the thrum of the party, and Acxa is left on her own.

The ride home is quiet.

The house is quiet when she opens the door and shuts it. She talks with her mother for a bit, but even that is hushed and short. Krolia says she loves her while she’s climbing the stairs and Acxa begrudgingly makes a heart with her hands before continuing her ascension.

acxa  
_i got home!_

allura  
_Oh, good!_

acxa  
_night allura <3_

allura  
_Goodnight, Acxa. Sleep well. <3_

 _This is enough_ , she thinks, preparing for a long night of fitful sleep. _It has to be._

**Author's Note:**

> unrequited feelings suck


End file.
